One of the scariest things about college is the prospect of failure. With so much pressure to succeed, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Can you maintain good grades? Will you be able to juggle studying, working, and socializing? How can you afford to go there and stay there? What do you even want to do with your life?
I ask myself these questions all the time, and they often lead to downward spirals of intense anxiety. I get overwhelmed and upset, but I end up doing nothing because my worry has exhausted me. It's a cycle I hate to be a part of, and it all stems from one thing: a crippling fear of failure.
Understanding the weight of failure
I want to preface this with something I'm sure you know: Failure is normal, and so is fear. Failure ensures that we grow and learn, and fear is necessary for keeping us alive. So why do these very normal things paralyze so many of us?
The fear of failure is relatively common, according to Alberto and Marco Chong at Georgia State University. In a 2022 study, they note that “in the United States…it has been estimated that around thirty percent of the population is terrified of failure, and it ranks among the worst fears that the population endures in this country.”
In America especially, it's not just failure. With the current economic situation, success-driven and hustle mentality are super common. This means that failure isn’t just about a lack of success but also a lack of income. It explains why failure has so much more weight to it than “just making a mistake”—it's not only a hurdle to jump over but a very real threat of poverty for many.
Related: How to Recognize and Cope With Anxiety as a Student
Exploring your fear of failure as a student
If you’ve ever felt invalidated for the intense feelings you may have about failure, know that those feelings are not overreactions or overkill. Fear of failure in high school or college can manifest in many ways, such as thoughts, emotions, and actions. Understanding how these responses affect you can help you break the cycle and find healthier coping strategies.
Thought-based responses: Acknowledging your fear of failure
Being alone with our thoughts is scary, I know. We have so many things to keep us occupied—namely technology, which often distracts us from genuine self-reflection. But not thinking about anything is also scary and doesn’t help promote personal growth. if you’re a person who likes to find the origins of things, then introspection may be a great tool for you!
Here are some questions I like to ask myself when I want to get to the bottom of things, so-to-speak:
- Do you have a specific memory of failure? Can you pinpoint the first time that failing felt definitively bad?
- Does your experience with failure stem from observations in others, or does it have to do with your own experiences?
- Do you see failure as negative in others as you do yourself, or do you tend to be more forgiving of others’ failures and less forgiving of your own?
Chances are, your first significant memory of failure happened as a child, and it was reinforced by negative responses from others. Fear of failure is a learned response, which means that it can be unlearned.
Try not to get distracted by why you have this fear—although it may be helpful to know why—and instead hone your energy into what you can do to unlearn it. What are some things you wish people would’ve done differently in response to your previous mistakes, and how can you apply those differences to your life now?
Related: Your Grades Don't Define You, But They Do Matter
Emotion-based responses: Redefine your self-talk
As cliche as it sounds, words do have meaning, and the way we talk to ourselves is important. Negative self-talk reinforces the fear of failure, making it harder to break free. So whenever you find yourself thinking negative things, try one of these exercises:
- Imagine that someone you dislike is saying those negative things to you.
- Imagine saying those things to someone you love—a friend, family member, a pet, or even a stuffed animal.
- Imagine speaking that way to your younger self, like five-year-old you.
If the thought of saying these things to another person makes you uncomfortable, why would you talk to yourself that way? You may justify it by saying you have thick skin or that you deserve it. But at the end of the day, these are just ways of rationalizing negative talk and self-criticism. You do not deserve to be treated poorly—especially not by yourself. Be gentle on your mind!
Action-based responses: Take accountability without self-destruction
While giving yourself grace is important, it shouldn’t become an excuse to avoid responsibility. There should be a balance between self-compassion and accountability. I struggle with this too, and one of my goals for 2025 is to hold myself accountable without being self-destructive. I often beat myself up over mistakes and failures, which is hurtful and exhausting—and only makes the fear of failure worse. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are some things to remind yourself when dealing with failure:
- No one is going to physically harm you because of a mistake, even if it feels that way.
- No one is going to hate you or stop loving you. They may be disappointed, but disappointment is inevitable, and you cannot control other people's feelings. Try focusing on what you can control, like an apology or a plan to move forward.
- You are allowed to make mistakes, no matter how bad you may perceive them. You are navigating life for the first time, and perfection is impossible. Things happen and that's life, unfortunately—mistakes are just part of the process.
Related: Cultivating a Growth Mindset: How to Embrace Your Unique Creative Abilities
Recognizing individual challenges
It’s important to note that navigating a fear of failure has different barriers for different people—everyone is unique, after all. For those with mental health issues or disabilities, working through a fear of failure may be more difficult compared to non-disabled and/or neurotypical people.
However, this is not an excuse to compare struggles—no one’s experiences should be invalidated. Recognizing personal challenges can help us approach self-growth with patience and understanding.
Resources for support
If you are struggling with a fear of failure or anxiety, do not hesitate to reach out for help. Here are some resources, websites, and hotlines you can utilize:
- 988Lifeline.org: The Suicide and Crisis hotline offers several lines of communication, including calling, texting, online chat, and options for Deaf and hard-of-hearing individuals. You do not need to be suicidal to call, and you can learn what to expect on the 988 Lifeline website.
- SteveFund.org: The Steve Fund is an organization that focuses on supporting the mental well-being of young People of Color (POC) through workshops, seminars, and higher education counseling services. Just text STEVE to 741741 to start talking with a trained professional immediately.
- ActiveMinds.org: Founded by a college student after her brother’s death, Active Minds offers various mental health resources and programs for students, including a blog and donation opportunities.
Related: Mental Health: What It Is and How You Can Find Help
Failure is completely human, but the fear of failure doesn’t have to control you. By being self-aware, reframing your thoughts, and taking proactive steps, you can break free from the cycle and build resilience. It’s okay to try something different, take step back, readjust some things, and try again. Being a student is tough, but learning to navigate failure can help you thrive in high school, college, and beyond.
CollegeXpress is here for you with resources for every step of your journey! Explore our Student Life section for more advice and real student experiences.
